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Wednesday, 27 February 2008

Kevin Lee

Kevin Lee had bone marrow cancer.
His family found out about it the day after his 15th Birthday last March.
He was getting better...but died Monday night. Mom told me about it yesterday.
He was a friend of the family, but especally of Zach and Alex...

When does this all stop?

Tuesday, 26 February 2008

More Thoughts...

I was writing in my journal today.
I wrote about how it's hard to go to church, because there is always something that hurts to hear or see.
I wrote about how it's hard for me to do my devotions, because where am I supposed to start? I don't know if I want to.
Then I opened my Bible to Psalms and read this:
"Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice! Have mercy upon me, and answer me. When You said "Seek my face", My heart said to You, "Your face Lord, I will seek." Do not hide Your face from me; Do not turn Your serveant away in anger; You have been my help; Do not leave me nor forsake me, O God of my salvation. When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the Lord will take care of me."
~Psalms 27:7-10
I think I'm starting to realize that I will either come through this with a faith WAY stronger then before, or lose my faith. It is such a struggle for me...I'm so ready to be 'normal' again even though it's only been a month and a half since he passed away...

Monday, 18 February 2008

Night at the Movies...gag me.

On Saturday night, David and I went to see Fool's Gold, but it was sold out. So we went to see Definitely, Maybe instead.
. . .
This movie freaked me out for several reasons.
1. At different times in the movie, the main actor's kid, who looked to be about 10 or 11, followed her script and yelled out..uhm..parts of the male anatomy and then swore several times. I can't believe that her real-life parents would let her do that. Maybe because they're stealing money from her trust fund?
2. This guy dates (and ends up marrying) a girl who, when he left to go to NYC for a month, after telling him she was afraid he'd find someone else, turns around tells him she slept with his roommate. Nice.
3. He also dates two women at different time, (one who he marries) who had a 'relationship' that he finds out about. So now, instead of worrying about what his wife thinks about every guy who's better looking then he is, he has the added pressure of his wife probably checking out the same women he is. (If this were a real-life story).
creeeeeeeeepy.
Then on Sunday, we got to see Fool's Gold. It was better, but still not anywhere on my 'favorite movies' list.
For one thing, the writers apparently could not decide if the movie was a romantic comedy, an action flick, or a drama. So they made it all three. Badly.
One of the side actors was the daughter of the millionare whose boat (see: floating penthouse) they were borrowing. I gues her 'daddy' must have been VERY picky about who he gave his money to, as the poor child (25 years old-ish) obviously had no education whatsoever, sadly turning her into a brunette Barbie (At one point in the movie, Kate Hudson tells her she "acts stupid". Later in the movie, when Kate is talking to Matthew Mcconaughey, she says blah blah blah, what do you think, stupid?" Brown-haired-Barbie turns to Kate and says, "What?" responding to the fact that she thought she was being called stupid. Wow. At least she wasn't blonde this time. The poor dear also had no money for clothes, I guess, and was forced to run around in bikini's she made of left-over fabric that would not cover a normal-sized Barbie doll.
I also think that Matthew Mcconaughey has a note in his contract that he MUST be able to take his shirt off at LEAST 10 times.
"Yes you have muscles. Put your shirt on."

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

Currently Listening
Tuck Everlasting (Score)
see related

I alternate weeks, apparently.
One week is good, the next bad. Not that everything is either good or bad depending on the week, but my mood swings back and forth.
I will think I'm actually making progress one week, then not want to leave the house the next, which is extremely frustrating. I have not been to Snow Trails in weeks. I've only gone twice this year, but that's okay. Each trip just cost me 70+ dollars. Ouch.
This week is a "good" week.
The only bad thing about good weeks is that I start thinking about the future..."I should hurry up and get my driver's license...but then I'll need a part time job to pay for insurance...but I don't feel like working right now...maybe I'm just too lazy..." and so on. When I think about moving out and going to college in a few years, it scares me. It's a total 180° from what I felt earlier this year...I couldn't wait to go to college, all my older friends were graduating and having a great time. Now I want to go to college, but when I think about all the things I will be in charge of for myself I want to hide under the covers.
I did update the list for all the people coming to the Celtic Ball, do my laundry(which was hard when I was 'normal', I always put it off!), and figure out what I'm making for Valentine's Day's dinner(for my whole family(!)). But most importantly, I journaled a letter to my Heavenly Father. I didn't read my Bible, but I'm going to start that up again. And I went to church on Sunday. *^5*
We'll see how the rest of the week goes...

Friday, 08 February 2008

Just Keep Swimming...

It has been a month exactly since dad passed away.
I feel like the fish from Finding Nemo..."just keep swimming, just keep swwwwwimming swwwwwimmg swwwwwwwwimming".
I am sad some days, angry others. So angry that my body aches all day. Prettymuch tired always.
But I'm trying to 'keep on swimming'. Like, getting out of bed in the morning. Or cleaning my room. things that are normally totally small and easy. I'm going to help mom re-decorate the living room...it's something I like doing and it's something to do. I'm decorating for Valentine's day, as unlike many people, I always liked that day. I'm cooking again, kind of. I'm going to VDO with friends next week...just normal things.